Dear Mary Bale

Dear Mary Bale,

What's got you so worked up? Your behavior indicates you are progressing towards serial killer.

I would venture to guess you are mad at God for having an unfortunate look about you. While I agree, you are very ugly, that doesn't mean you can't make some simple changes and get you back on a track towards emotional stability. Your 45 not 85. Lose 15 lbs, dye your hair, wax your eye brows, get some contact lenses and you'll see instant improvement. See if that doesn't help you mind the wheelie bin.

Sincerely,

Ellie