Dear Oprah Winfrey,

Dear Oprah Winfrey,

Don't worry. This isn't a letter asking for money for charity. Nor is it a request to review a book for your book club. I'm not writing to enter your 'Have My Own Show on Oprah's Network' contest or tell you how that one show changed my life. I'm not even going to tell you I'm overweight and you inspire me.

On the other hand, I know you also receive hate mail from time to time. Don't worry, that's not my intent either. This isn't a letter from an angry cattle farmer. I'm not pissed off because I had to pay taxes on a car I won in your "Dreams Come True" giveaway. I'm not a disgruntled server that suffered from the Oprahession you created when you told America that tipping 10% during a tough economy is acceptable. And no, I don't think you are the anti-Christ. Many do, but not me.

But that doesn't mean my letter to you isn't a request for divine intervention. In Jesus name, will you please get over yourself? Can you find someone new to be the covergirl for O? If we made an animated flipbook using just the cover of O, we'd have something that resembles a balloon inflating and deflating several times - - but not much else.

Oprah, variety is the spice of life. Let's mix it up a bit! After all, it's been TEN YEARS. Even if we stuck to a niche cover model category, like "Talk show hosts with weight issues," there are still many opportunities to add diversity. Rosie, Tyra, Sharon, Star, Ricki, Roseanne or Mo'Nique would all make excellent choices. But, whatever you do, please don't make me look at your face on the cover one more time. I am sick of looking at your face.

Love,

Ellie